What is happiness? I always looking for my kind of happiness since I left high school.

When I was young (I am not very old now ok), just like 6/7 years back. I thought looking for a rich boyfriend, smart boyfriend could make me happy. Pui!!! Now I think this kind of boyfriend is the worst boyfriend. He is rich, that is his family's wealthiness. He is smart, good in his academic result does not mean anything in future. What he has now are not belong to him. He does not earn that and he tend to not to know how to appreciate what he gets now. 

What I want now is a mature boyfriend, who can give me secure. I hope he has his own career which he earns every cent he has now with his own hard work. While he is older, he has more life experiences which he can give me advices and lead me. He will also be more appreciate to what he own now (some, not all). These are just superficial.

Actually, what I really want is just a simple happiness. Simple happiness can get from every small little things he does. A warm sweet hug, cuddling at home watching TV, a smelly good morning and morning kiss in the morning, a simple brunch in pyjamas. (I am so auntie.)

Just get someone you can be yourself when you are with him. In my imaginary, I have a boyfriend who is just standing there, waiting for me before going out for a meal and when I see him I will run-fly to him, hang on his body and give him a kiss. Or I am waiting him at the lift, when the lift is open, I see him and I give him a big hug. I always imagine this, I thought it would be easy to make it happen between all couple. From one of my experience, I cannot do it. I realised it is not so easy to make these small simple little things to happen.

Is that easy to meet someone that will make you love yourself more? Especially when you are with him? I do met one but we are not meant to be together at the end. But it was a good experience and I will keep looking for a better one, someone can make me fall in love with myself again. 

I am a simple girl, a simple student who have a simple live. i am not the daughter or granddaughter of any millionaire, I'm not family of any famous people.

Thanks God for giving me all these. at least it is not so bad.

I failed in my studies, many times. Practically, I wasted the tuition fees and living cost. I am glad that I am where am I today. I am nearly at the end of the study life. It is late but better than none.

Doing my assignment now, no motivation. Headache. Flu. Sinus. Sick. All are getting near to me. Low body immune system since I back from my trip to China.

Gambate baby.

Summarise 2014

It comes to the end of 2014 without my realising. This is a good sign which indicates this is a good year to me. I have a simple yet special way to celebrate this special day. Now, I am sitting on my bed, with my new Maccie, typing this post. My family are here, enjoying the countdown show at living room. The weather is just nice today. Please allow me to be slightly greedy. Can I request for one more thing? I have everyone I want with me now except somebody call Boyfriend. One of my new year wish is getting a good and stable relationship. I love to cuddle with the man, reading book, watching any tv show or movie, hugging each other, making simple food. This kind of simple life could give me a perfect date.

Everyone is talking about new year resolution. I did it last year and it made it. Actually it is something goes against my inner thought. This year I am going to list down all according to what I really want and lets check it next year.

1. Get a good boyfriend. I do not have to care you are going to hurt me or not. I will just stop thinking too far away.

2. Get a tattoo. Tattoo artist - checked. Crime partner - checked. Design - need to be more precise when meet with the artist. Idea - checked. Part - checked.

3. Get my studies done. 2015 could be the last year I study like a student in a classroom. 2016, I will be only having my research, no more classes.

4. Braces. I have been talking about this for 10 years. No more dragging.

5. Saving. I think I should spend less and save more.

So far, these are the things I can think about. I am a simple girl, what I wish is also simple.


2014 was a great year to me. I travelled twice in this year. I met nice people. Not much trouble I got from study and posting. It just past too fast that I cannot remembered everything. People do come into my life and go away as well. I was down for a while for them. Luckily, it does not affect my life much and I do not actually care it now. Life is always about learning. I think I have learned a lot and found out my problem too. I will care less and show my real personalities. I hope 2015 could be busier than 2014. I love to be occupied by meaningful activities. Thanks God that my Jan 15" is fully occupied and I got a task to be done by April. May is clinical posting. June again is end of my year 3 and going to be busy prepare for final exam. As well as July. August is the only free month until September. I am call final year student soon! I cannot wait for my 2015. It seem interesting and motivating.

Happy new year everyone. Hope you have a great year ahead.

Love

Home is where your family is

I know and understand this ^^^ phrase when I studied abroad. I back to Malaysia and continue my studies over here, I actually never expect this will happen on me again.

This year will not be a good festi month to me. (December: Thong yuen festival and Christmas). Why I say so?

1. My family which included my grandparents, my parents, my uncles, my aunts, my sisters, my brother, my cousins all decided to celebrate this special season at Penang.
*I have been asked N times where is my hometown. From here actually you can see I have many hometowns. I born here (Kuala Lumpur). My dad and my grandpa born at Parit Buntar/Bandar Baru. There is also where they grew up. I moved to Parit Buntar at age 2. When I was 13/14 I moved to Penang Island. I left Penang back to KL again when I started my studies here. Since that time I spend most of my time, holiday and festivals over here.*
Everyone is posting their photos which taken on their way from KL to Penang. They also keep updating their current location. I wish I could be one of them. Probably with my love one (unfortunately he is still an unknown) updating our condition about going back to Penang.

2. The special one to me this season (yes, this person keep changing according to season. LOL. I am not a bitch, just I have not meet the one ok?) is also at Penang. But for his situation, it is kinda sad. He is there not for any celebration but for his grandma's funeral. Anyway, he is also at Penang, which means I am ALONE at KL. I cried when I see how he described his feelings on facebook, I worry about him especially those hours he drives all the way to Penang. I know I am over since people never take me serious in his life. *I am just being kind.*
This special situation + festival make me miss him more. He told me he wanted a girlfriend who is willing to base at KL but her hometown is Penang. Because it is easier during any big days. Both can going back together for the special day. What he said actually is quite true and it comes true. Too bad, the story is just without me. Tan's family celebrate thong zhi at Penang island. Chan's family is at Penang too.

I am here at KL because I have clinical posting here. I do not feel like taking leave, some more it is 2 days that much. I do not mind to get unpaid leave if I start working. But now I am a student, I think I should behave and follow the rules set by college and hospital.

KL is where I always call as home. Because here is where we all, whole family will gather every year. This year, everyone move to Penang. No more home feeling here for this 3 days. Think positively, it is "ME time, My time". I am a strong family people. So, I wish that in future my husband is someone take serious on his family.

Unlocked. Achieved. Let go. Put down.

解铃还是系铃人

Thanks God for taking my prayers seriously and finally lead me to a right path. Few months ago, I was looking for my foundation's transcript. At the same time, I found his. I was struggling on what I should do for this paper. I could not contact him since he blocked me everywhere.

I was haunted by this for years, 3 years. I tried to start new relationship, but the side effect is forever there. I can't be myself or doing my part as a girlfriend. I started to lost confidence to man, I hate myself, I cried for relationship.

Because of the paper, I decided to contact his brother and plan to return him the paper. After that, I received his friend request on facebook. I was crying when I saw that. I feel relieved and it is like finally. Finally, I know is he good or bad now. I admit, I do look through his facebook updates. I feel so glad and touched by what he and the girlfriend has now. No sour, no sad, no envy, no bad feelings at all. I know I am done with it.

My confidence is back. I do not need to be afraid on anything on relationship anymore. I hope my next boyfriend can be my last boyfriend. I am a little bit lost now. I do not know what a good girlfriend should do. Can I keep messaging although he does not reply? It is weird but I try not to give up easily because I know who I want, what I want.

Marked the date, 8th Dec 2014, brand new me. New life. No more regrets. I will thick face go to do what I want. I have expected the worst ending. I will accept it since I tried so hard before and no regret.

Love you  

Change a perspective on view may change your mood for whole day

This is what I experienced this morning in Neuro Gym. I was discussing with the person-in-charge in the gym when to give the patient next appointment. I was sitting on the chair where prepared for patient to sit while they taking their next appointment or register. After that I sit there and continue to write my assessment form. Before that sure I asked the person-in-charge am I eligible to sit there. She agreed and I just stayed. Before the patient leave the gym, he came and talked to me. I was trying to avoid him and keep writing on my things, yet he still keep talking to me.

Shit thing happen now. The supervisor came in and asked, 

"Do you think this is where for you to sit and do your work?"

"No, sir. But I asked and she (the person-in-charge) said it is fine."

"Go in and do your work."

"Ok"

If I think he is scolding me, I would be unhappy and feel insulted throughout my day. I do not think so, and I just remembered this after my dinner.

Actually, I took it as a help from him. If he does not "scolded" me, I think the uncle would still keep talking to me. The first moment when I left the seat, I felt he is just doing good. Maybe he saw I was busying with my work, and I am trying so hard to ignore the patient, but I cannot be so impolite to my patient. So that he came and help me. 

Thank you.

I realized how important is your perspective to a person or to an incident. If I treat this in the other way round, I would be carry my sour face till the end of the posting. Does not matter what is he main purpose, no need to ask, do not need to know too. As long as we think in a good way it is good to everyone. I make him feel good and I am sure I do not misunderstood him. If I do also ok since I am taking it as something good. 

Faithful and trust

What if your boyfriend do not initiative contact you for weeks? What is your response and what you will think?

What if your boyfriend ignore your texts and calls for weeks?

What if your boyfriend (work as an event planner) give you the reason that he is busy?

Excuse me girl, I think not much of girl can accept and continue with this kind boyfriend.

"Love yourself before you go to love other".

Remember this, then you might can continue the relationship with this kind of man. A couple being together sure there is something make them attracted to each other. A stable or matured relationship needs to have faith and trust to each other. The two do not need to contact each other everyday and still can move on.

"Independence"

Every individual is a separate object. No one has the responsibility to love other. We must make sure we love ourselves and take the responsible to take care of ourselves, make sure not to burden your boyfriend. Almost everyone tells me "the husband/boyfriend must do this". Girls, please think deeper. When a boyfriend has his on work and career to busy or you both get married and he has to take the responsibility for your children? Are you still want to add his burden?

"Faith and Trust"

Be faithful and completely trust him blindly. This sounds stupid but who like to be suspected? Trust him, he is just busy and he will be back (contact you) when he is done with his works. It might be after a month, but still he maybe will appreciate your patience for waiting him.

"Love him with no regrets"

There is no harm for you to do this. Just love with no regrets. Do whatever you want. If a guy who is meant to you, arranged by God, he will know. If he goes away, then just accept the truth. This is the destiny.

Stay strong and be faithful.

LOVE