When was the last time I cry? I'm getting independent after moved to this house. Sometimes I think I need to balance up my emotion.

Everyone has own story behind himself. So does me. I think I have to be honest to everyone especially myself. We cannot change the past.

Why I am still single? Why I do not have a boyfriend? I do not believe there is no one to chase you. Recently I have been asked for so many times.

Getting a boyfriend is not that easy. Really, none of a man wants me. Is it my problem? Yea, maybe yes.

I had a relationship for 3 years. It lasted through out my failed A-level time, pre-med foundation and begining of my medic time. It was a mistake since the start, because he cheated on the second day I official be his girlfriend. I forgave and I think everyone deserved a chance. Because so and so, this and that, I accepted. Maybe I was a young wild little girl back in 2009. Everything comes I would accept because I can leave when there is something wrong. I never have a deep thought that I might get hurt after all. How silly am I?

After all the pain I suffer, the time I needed to overcome, the side effects left. Finally, I have grown and I learn. Right now, if a man tells me he wants me to be his girlfriend, I will not accept just like that. I know what I want for my life and I know who am I, I know how I act. So, I would say because I am serious on this, so there is no "trial and error" or "probation" in such situation.

Maybe, those dark sides never left me. That is why I could not feel or see someone with secure. Sometimes, I wish that I would habe someone to listen to me to open my heart. On the other hand, my brain will remind me, how if he does so and so. No doubt, this is an angel and devil thing. At the end, I choose to be single. A little loneliness and sadness is much more better than getting hurt or disappointed and more time needed to cure.

Frankly, this post is all superficial. I cannot remember or elaborate the details anymore. This is too far behind in my life.

One thing I would never forget and it always play a part as reminder in my life. I.e. when the 3rd or 4th he cheated, it is about few months before the relationship ended, I did something stupid. I cut my forearms and I have eaten tons of pills. Luckily, no scar was left and I am still alive.

That was me when I was young. Because I know the funny part and sad part of getting hurt and disappointment from a relationship, I will not simply get into a guy anymore and I know the benefits and advantages being single.