Summarise 2014

It comes to the end of 2014 without my realising. This is a good sign which indicates this is a good year to me. I have a simple yet special way to celebrate this special day. Now, I am sitting on my bed, with my new Maccie, typing this post. My family are here, enjoying the countdown show at living room. The weather is just nice today. Please allow me to be slightly greedy. Can I request for one more thing? I have everyone I want with me now except somebody call Boyfriend. One of my new year wish is getting a good and stable relationship. I love to cuddle with the man, reading book, watching any tv show or movie, hugging each other, making simple food. This kind of simple life could give me a perfect date.

Everyone is talking about new year resolution. I did it last year and it made it. Actually it is something goes against my inner thought. This year I am going to list down all according to what I really want and lets check it next year.

1. Get a good boyfriend. I do not have to care you are going to hurt me or not. I will just stop thinking too far away.

2. Get a tattoo. Tattoo artist - checked. Crime partner - checked. Design - need to be more precise when meet with the artist. Idea - checked. Part - checked.

3. Get my studies done. 2015 could be the last year I study like a student in a classroom. 2016, I will be only having my research, no more classes.

4. Braces. I have been talking about this for 10 years. No more dragging.

5. Saving. I think I should spend less and save more.

So far, these are the things I can think about. I am a simple girl, what I wish is also simple.


2014 was a great year to me. I travelled twice in this year. I met nice people. Not much trouble I got from study and posting. It just past too fast that I cannot remembered everything. People do come into my life and go away as well. I was down for a while for them. Luckily, it does not affect my life much and I do not actually care it now. Life is always about learning. I think I have learned a lot and found out my problem too. I will care less and show my real personalities. I hope 2015 could be busier than 2014. I love to be occupied by meaningful activities. Thanks God that my Jan 15" is fully occupied and I got a task to be done by April. May is clinical posting. June again is end of my year 3 and going to be busy prepare for final exam. As well as July. August is the only free month until September. I am call final year student soon! I cannot wait for my 2015. It seem interesting and motivating.

Happy new year everyone. Hope you have a great year ahead.

Love

Home is where your family is

I know and understand this ^^^ phrase when I studied abroad. I back to Malaysia and continue my studies over here, I actually never expect this will happen on me again.

This year will not be a good festi month to me. (December: Thong yuen festival and Christmas). Why I say so?

1. My family which included my grandparents, my parents, my uncles, my aunts, my sisters, my brother, my cousins all decided to celebrate this special season at Penang.
*I have been asked N times where is my hometown. From here actually you can see I have many hometowns. I born here (Kuala Lumpur). My dad and my grandpa born at Parit Buntar/Bandar Baru. There is also where they grew up. I moved to Parit Buntar at age 2. When I was 13/14 I moved to Penang Island. I left Penang back to KL again when I started my studies here. Since that time I spend most of my time, holiday and festivals over here.*
Everyone is posting their photos which taken on their way from KL to Penang. They also keep updating their current location. I wish I could be one of them. Probably with my love one (unfortunately he is still an unknown) updating our condition about going back to Penang.

2. The special one to me this season (yes, this person keep changing according to season. LOL. I am not a bitch, just I have not meet the one ok?) is also at Penang. But for his situation, it is kinda sad. He is there not for any celebration but for his grandma's funeral. Anyway, he is also at Penang, which means I am ALONE at KL. I cried when I see how he described his feelings on facebook, I worry about him especially those hours he drives all the way to Penang. I know I am over since people never take me serious in his life. *I am just being kind.*
This special situation + festival make me miss him more. He told me he wanted a girlfriend who is willing to base at KL but her hometown is Penang. Because it is easier during any big days. Both can going back together for the special day. What he said actually is quite true and it comes true. Too bad, the story is just without me. Tan's family celebrate thong zhi at Penang island. Chan's family is at Penang too.

I am here at KL because I have clinical posting here. I do not feel like taking leave, some more it is 2 days that much. I do not mind to get unpaid leave if I start working. But now I am a student, I think I should behave and follow the rules set by college and hospital.

KL is where I always call as home. Because here is where we all, whole family will gather every year. This year, everyone move to Penang. No more home feeling here for this 3 days. Think positively, it is "ME time, My time". I am a strong family people. So, I wish that in future my husband is someone take serious on his family.

Unlocked. Achieved. Let go. Put down.

解铃还是系铃人

Thanks God for taking my prayers seriously and finally lead me to a right path. Few months ago, I was looking for my foundation's transcript. At the same time, I found his. I was struggling on what I should do for this paper. I could not contact him since he blocked me everywhere.

I was haunted by this for years, 3 years. I tried to start new relationship, but the side effect is forever there. I can't be myself or doing my part as a girlfriend. I started to lost confidence to man, I hate myself, I cried for relationship.

Because of the paper, I decided to contact his brother and plan to return him the paper. After that, I received his friend request on facebook. I was crying when I saw that. I feel relieved and it is like finally. Finally, I know is he good or bad now. I admit, I do look through his facebook updates. I feel so glad and touched by what he and the girlfriend has now. No sour, no sad, no envy, no bad feelings at all. I know I am done with it.

My confidence is back. I do not need to be afraid on anything on relationship anymore. I hope my next boyfriend can be my last boyfriend. I am a little bit lost now. I do not know what a good girlfriend should do. Can I keep messaging although he does not reply? It is weird but I try not to give up easily because I know who I want, what I want.

Marked the date, 8th Dec 2014, brand new me. New life. No more regrets. I will thick face go to do what I want. I have expected the worst ending. I will accept it since I tried so hard before and no regret.

Love you  

Change a perspective on view may change your mood for whole day

This is what I experienced this morning in Neuro Gym. I was discussing with the person-in-charge in the gym when to give the patient next appointment. I was sitting on the chair where prepared for patient to sit while they taking their next appointment or register. After that I sit there and continue to write my assessment form. Before that sure I asked the person-in-charge am I eligible to sit there. She agreed and I just stayed. Before the patient leave the gym, he came and talked to me. I was trying to avoid him and keep writing on my things, yet he still keep talking to me.

Shit thing happen now. The supervisor came in and asked, 

"Do you think this is where for you to sit and do your work?"

"No, sir. But I asked and she (the person-in-charge) said it is fine."

"Go in and do your work."

"Ok"

If I think he is scolding me, I would be unhappy and feel insulted throughout my day. I do not think so, and I just remembered this after my dinner.

Actually, I took it as a help from him. If he does not "scolded" me, I think the uncle would still keep talking to me. The first moment when I left the seat, I felt he is just doing good. Maybe he saw I was busying with my work, and I am trying so hard to ignore the patient, but I cannot be so impolite to my patient. So that he came and help me. 

Thank you.

I realized how important is your perspective to a person or to an incident. If I treat this in the other way round, I would be carry my sour face till the end of the posting. Does not matter what is he main purpose, no need to ask, do not need to know too. As long as we think in a good way it is good to everyone. I make him feel good and I am sure I do not misunderstood him. If I do also ok since I am taking it as something good. 

Faithful and trust

What if your boyfriend do not initiative contact you for weeks? What is your response and what you will think?

What if your boyfriend ignore your texts and calls for weeks?

What if your boyfriend (work as an event planner) give you the reason that he is busy?

Excuse me girl, I think not much of girl can accept and continue with this kind boyfriend.

"Love yourself before you go to love other".

Remember this, then you might can continue the relationship with this kind of man. A couple being together sure there is something make them attracted to each other. A stable or matured relationship needs to have faith and trust to each other. The two do not need to contact each other everyday and still can move on.

"Independence"

Every individual is a separate object. No one has the responsibility to love other. We must make sure we love ourselves and take the responsible to take care of ourselves, make sure not to burden your boyfriend. Almost everyone tells me "the husband/boyfriend must do this". Girls, please think deeper. When a boyfriend has his on work and career to busy or you both get married and he has to take the responsibility for your children? Are you still want to add his burden?

"Faith and Trust"

Be faithful and completely trust him blindly. This sounds stupid but who like to be suspected? Trust him, he is just busy and he will be back (contact you) when he is done with his works. It might be after a month, but still he maybe will appreciate your patience for waiting him.

"Love him with no regrets"

There is no harm for you to do this. Just love with no regrets. Do whatever you want. If a guy who is meant to you, arranged by God, he will know. If he goes away, then just accept the truth. This is the destiny.

Stay strong and be faithful.

LOVE

How employer motivate the employees

Neuropsychosocial class today was talked about motivation. Nothing much I can elaborate at the early of the class because I was busy on Facebook stalking someone.

Ms. B made us into 4 groups and gave us different topic to discuss. My group had gotten the topic about how employer motivate employees. Surprisingly I give comments more than usual and my groupmates had to ask me to stop. I love class like this.

Back to the topic as mentioned. If I were an employer, how would I motivate my staffs?

First of all, I will give projects to my employers. As long as they can give me what I want before the due date, I do not bother what they are doing in that period of time. But make sure the quality of work is there. I try to give freedom to them and time management are all up to them. Those who gives outstanding work, they will get their rewards. For example, after a big project, they might be get paid leave. Great isn't it?

Vacation, company trip. Set targets for them, if and only they achieve certain standard, they will get what they deserve. Better result, go further. Lesser then maybe just trip nearby.

Bonus! Almost every company gives bonus. For example, CNY, Diwali or Raya. Depends on the race of the employee. The amount of the bonus they would get also depends on their performance and result of the year.

An employee represent the company. For those who has higher position, who need to go out and meet with customer or deal with banker, I would provide a company car to them. I believe that the packaging is important when you go out to see someone. 

One thing which is very important, could be the part I care the most which is the atmosphere of working. I want my staffs work under a harmony and relax atmosphere. I hate, I do not like the barrier the obvious barrier between the boss and the staffs. Everyone should be treated same. All of us are human being. Anyone can make mistake. Staff can give feedback to boss, vice versa. Everyone working together, you might spend most of your time with those people, I hope all can work under a comfortable and lovely situation like a big family. Office is your second home. You can bring what you want to make it cozy. 

You might ask, how is for those big company. Nothing to be worried, all we have to do just have to separate into few small groups and lead by a leader/supervisor. What is going on in that group all are the leader's responsibility. I only want to see the end result from the group. I not really care about the process.

Team building also one idea to blend all the staffs and bosses. This may help to know each other more and all can share their ideas more open.

In every month, the employer can have an outing "makan" trip. Maybe can set it on one of the weekdays, everyone in the company/team is going out for a meal in the lunch hour. Of course, the lunch hour will be extended. Celebrating that month birthday people also can be one of the reason for eating out.

I do not encourage work overtime. Because some would just pretend and hope to get pay for overtime. Since, I more prefer flexible working hours, I just want my staff to give what I want on time and I do not care how they manage the time. They can work from 12am to 6am or 8am to 5pm. 

These are the things I am looking for when I search for a job. 

If I were the boss... For those who cannot fulfill or work under the rules above they might get fired. For example, some who cannot discipline themselves, some do not take work serious, those cannot provide perfect 100% work, those cannot cope with the colleagues... These people are not suitable to work under these awesome condition. 

What you get all depends on how much you work. It sounds easy but actually, it is very tiring when you work with the boss like this. 

After the discussion, my friends said I am in wrong career line. My brain is more to business. Yea I am strongly agree I am a managing people, a planner. Everyone was asking me to hire them if I open my own physiotherapy center. I learn all these from my family and friends around me. I am very lucky that I am growing up in a business family background. And I have friends who work as an event planner and also my aunt is working with Philip Morris. 

I listen and I learn this better than my anatomy. Feel satisfy and proud for my brain today. 

God is fair

God is fair enough to everyone. When you got something better than average people, sure you will suffer on some aspect. (Something better does not mean to those millionaire, who  take all the branded stuff and travelling with private jet). P.S. I am speaking in general situation.

I used to blame to God, why I always cannot meet the nice guy or my soul mate. Am I deserve to hurt by man? What I did and cause me still single until now? These questions keep turning in my brain for years. I used to think that I was the luckiest one when I met him when I was 18. Haha, who knows, he hurts me and give a huge lesson to me when I was 21. Fine, God just want to give me someone better. But, Father God can you please don't joke with me and let me meet with the HIM can?

Thanks God for everything I have now. First of all, thank you that I am born in this above average family. We are not consider rich but luckily we are still not bad. It would be better if the "politics" in our family can be lesser.

Secondly, thanks God for giving me a healthy body. No sickness, no disability, no degeneration, no diseases.

I also thank you that You have given me a not-bad-looking face. This is what fixed in the day I born. I am not the standard or level which can become a Miss World. I am satisfy with this OK OK look.

160cm, 50kg. Cannot ask for more with this body figure. Average and perfect size for a Asian, a Chinese girl. I do not need a super model body.

I am not genius. Not super intelligent. But in school time, I could still maintain myself in top 100 among 480-500 students. As long as, I am not retarded not down syndrome, I feel happy.

Fair enough right? No partner, no soul mate but I have family. I could not ask for more.

This is what I have when I am in my age 23 years and 5 months. I hope it can be maintained till the day I die.

I just want a good husband. Happy family. Healthy children (1 boy 1 girl). No need to be genius, my level or a bit better than me. Look acceptable. These are what I can think now.

Appreciate what you have now. =)

How would I be if I ended up in an English education background

Come from a tradition Chinese family, no doubt that my parents send me to a SJK(C) which is also known as Chinese primary school for education. For that level, they put me in a chinese education is just for the sake of learning mandarin. I was happily spent my 6 years in SJK(C) Kwang Hwa and left with good results and achievements.

The turning point, the only different and most special year within my educational life was my form 1. After primary 6, my mom sent me to a SMK (government school). Same with other basic secondary school in a small place, nothing much I can get nor learn from this school. My performance, my presentation, my manners, my reputation was getting worse. My dad realized he has to do something to avoid this continue to be happened on his beloved daughter, he decided to move our family to Penang where we can get better quality for education.

My first choice was Convert Greenlane (CGL), the following is Penang Chinese Girl High School (PCGHS). I have gotten 6As in my UPSR, so going to any school that time does not give me any big problem, as long as it is not a boy school. Thing never goes as what we wish. My parents do not have the same opinion as mine. My parents plan to send me and my sister to Heng Ee High School (HEHS) just because of the super annoying strict discipline and the super short hair for the girls in that school. At the same time, my auntie was so "kind" to stop my parents put me to CGL. The reason she gave was quite true but I am still unhappy with it. 

I remember what she told my mom very clearly, 

"You cannot put her into CGL. She is already act so angmo (western), lack of discipline, she will only getting worse if you send her there."

Dang dang!!! At the end, I ended up in the "jail".

Frankly speaking, HEHS treated me well. At least I do not fail my SPM and I learned a lot there. This is what in my thought when I was 17.

Now I am 23. A university student. Physiotherapy. I would totally have different comment on sending children to a Chinese secondary school. Who the hell is still using formal mandarin now? I mean in my current profession. Those tatabahasa or the specific ways to classify a chinese sentence into parts or the chinese simpulan bahasa etc. All I already returned to my teacher. I scored A2 for my BC and I do not put much effort on it compare to my other subjects. Is chinese language so important?

My classmates mostly are from Chinese school. Sadly, they have problem in study. Cannot be denied that they have awesome memorising skill. They can memorize whole chapter and when going to exam they just throw that in. You think this is good? Nah!! Not at all. Compare to those who went to not SMJK they have better performance in academic. They can think better and speak out as well. In tradition chinese education, we learn with spoon feed and we are NOT allow to fight back what teacher tells. Not proud at all to say I am from a SMJK. 

Come back to the main purpose I write this post. I am (I admit) an open-minded people since I was 13. I would fight back or shouted back to the one I do not agree. In western education, this call self protect, own opinion. But in Asian education, this is biadap, no manners, lala.

The current me is mixed up with both pattern. I do not know who am I also. My friend said, if I were not sent to Chinese school, I could be worse. Hook up with anyone or wake up in different bed everyday. Nah!! I am not that kind of girl, I know what I am doing ok?? I think I could be better if I went to CGL. I could understand English better. (FYI, i scored in my Eng in SPM). I could think widely and better. I could handle my relationship better.

I often dated with banana (refers to those who cannot understand Chinese/Mandarin CINA). I might look like an easy going girl, but inside me, I am tradition n typical on relationship. I am still adapting the way how they handling a relationship. CINA-pek will stick with the gf 24/7, good night call every night, but banana not really all will do this. Bananas more emphasize on freedom and independent. Of course sexual on a newly date couple is just common for bananas. For CINA-pek, it would be something new, serious and shameful. I do not understand what shame is that. 

*Will talk more about this when I am free, lazy now.*

When was the last time I cry? I'm getting independent after moved to this house. Sometimes I think I need to balance up my emotion.

Everyone has own story behind himself. So does me. I think I have to be honest to everyone especially myself. We cannot change the past.

Why I am still single? Why I do not have a boyfriend? I do not believe there is no one to chase you. Recently I have been asked for so many times.

Getting a boyfriend is not that easy. Really, none of a man wants me. Is it my problem? Yea, maybe yes.

I had a relationship for 3 years. It lasted through out my failed A-level time, pre-med foundation and begining of my medic time. It was a mistake since the start, because he cheated on the second day I official be his girlfriend. I forgave and I think everyone deserved a chance. Because so and so, this and that, I accepted. Maybe I was a young wild little girl back in 2009. Everything comes I would accept because I can leave when there is something wrong. I never have a deep thought that I might get hurt after all. How silly am I?

After all the pain I suffer, the time I needed to overcome, the side effects left. Finally, I have grown and I learn. Right now, if a man tells me he wants me to be his girlfriend, I will not accept just like that. I know what I want for my life and I know who am I, I know how I act. So, I would say because I am serious on this, so there is no "trial and error" or "probation" in such situation.

Maybe, those dark sides never left me. That is why I could not feel or see someone with secure. Sometimes, I wish that I would habe someone to listen to me to open my heart. On the other hand, my brain will remind me, how if he does so and so. No doubt, this is an angel and devil thing. At the end, I choose to be single. A little loneliness and sadness is much more better than getting hurt or disappointed and more time needed to cure.

Frankly, this post is all superficial. I cannot remember or elaborate the details anymore. This is too far behind in my life.

One thing I would never forget and it always play a part as reminder in my life. I.e. when the 3rd or 4th he cheated, it is about few months before the relationship ended, I did something stupid. I cut my forearms and I have eaten tons of pills. Luckily, no scar was left and I am still alive.

That was me when I was young. Because I know the funny part and sad part of getting hurt and disappointment from a relationship, I will not simply get into a guy anymore and I know the benefits and advantages being single.